i wish i had actually tried in highschool... ya know? if i had, i wouldnt be sitting here, bored off my ass ranting about this. I could of been getting out of college - ready to enjoy my summer instead of worrying about getting a job and what i'm going to do about my ticket and how i'm going to get new clothes and shoes and blah blah blah blah blah. I totally fucked myself over in highschool. no ones fault but my own. now, instead of being in college, continueing my life, i'm sitting here, bored, lazy, indifferent. I dont even try to get a job really. and its not like ones going to fall into my lap. the stupidest fucking thing is that i can't seem to find the motivation or the willpower to do anything about how my life is. its pathetic, and its depressing. i can't do anything anymore, i can't even write - something i was horribly good at until now. i probly couldnt even make up a decent bass riff to save my life. things i was good at i'm getting worse at, and things i am worse at are just staying that way. i can't concentrate anymore, i can't think straight.

and here i am
bitching....

"oh well, what the hell"
   -Alai

I'm not familiar with this story. Will you remind me how it ends?
I never heard its happy ending. Don't you tell me there isn't one
They're inside now- someone's behind you.
Close your eyes, child, no one's gonna hurt you.
You're really sorry. I know there was nothing you could do.

And we don't have much longer- with the swing of a blade
What's taken for granted will be taken away
But when soon this is over and you've forgotten our names
We'll come home to remind you of your greatest mistake

Call your dogs off, put your knives down. We don't now, nor ever, want to fight you
If you're determined to do your worst, then you've gotta know that we never tried to stop you
Just not like this- not in front of them- you wouldn't put a man down in front of his children?
I need a moment with my son- just let me say goodbye

I'm not familiar with this story. You've gotta tell me how it ends!
I never heard its happy ending, now you're telling me there isn't one?
They're inside now- someone's behind you
Close your eyes, child, mama won't leave you
You're really sorry, I know, there was nothing you could do

I fell in love with the sound of their voices. The dead color their songs with the truth.
To walk alone among the chorus of the haunted, to hear the stories that they've told from their youth
To know the faces in the shadows and the darkness- the merely ghosts in the world beyond our view
I fell in love with the sound of their voices. The dead color their songs with the truth.

Real love is hard to find and your love is real to me.

I sit.... staring blankly at the computer screen.... unsure... I start to type.... as of course, I always do.... Thinking back... I wonder how it started, this creeping uncertainty..... Life is good for me, really... I can't complain - I have an amazing girlfriend, great friends, good music, and i'm close to getting a job.... But theres always that dark cloud over the horizon, neh? School... I've been out of highschool for almost an entire school year now... I've only taken a couple community college courses, and am no where near University material... without that college degree, what good in life am I? I want to teach, but I can't without the education... i need money for that.... and the grades to prove my worth.. I have neither..... *sighs* how cruel life can be.... I dont want to go to a college in state... but I have to, also another problem.... so much to think about... I'm going to be moving out within a years time most likely... Ian and myself have a pretty good idea of what needs to happen and where the area needs to be. I dunno... I'm depressed I think.. I can't tell anymore.... over and out connecticut.....

bombs... away
clear the streets
stay... away
nothing gets to me
clear... a way
to fight through this madness
try... again
or fail to attempt this

no one forgets this
broken science of our nature
no one forgets this
there is nothing to explain this
no one forgets this
no one forgets this
no one forgets this
no one forgets anything

is it always the same
the way they stop. and. stare. at. me.
nothing better to say to them
i will always run away
so they drop these bombs
down on me they will not break
break me into this
eternity calls for me

no one forgets this
broken science of our nature
no one forgets this
there is nothing to explain in this venture
no one forgets this
no one forgets this
no one forgets this
no one forgets anything

so try to learn
or feel the burn
reality is taking the best of me
so try to strive
or try to dive
into this sea of unendless
we're all concerned
but so far stern
that our ways will unend this
but just for now
we'll sit and stare
as we watch them fall down with..... us
watch them fall
with.... us
watch them fall....
with.... us
fall with us or fail this reality

no one forgets this
broken science of our nature
no one forgets this
there is nothing to explain in this venture
no one forgets this
no one forgets this
no one forgets this
no one forgets anything